One day... I'd like to see a psychiatrist.

I'd like to know what they might say about me. I'd like to know if there's anything wrong with me.

We've always been told not to take things for granted. We've always been told that if someone takes things for granted, it says something about who they are, and the way that their lives have been.

I know that I don't matter to many people who know me. I know that it wouldn't make a difference if they never saw me again. I know I'm not important. I know that I can't expect anything from even the people that I value the most because I may not mean anything to them. I know that everyone else in the world can choose to disappoint me and leave me if they wish and there's really nothing I can do.

These are the things that I take for granted.

I know that I cannot tell what people are thinking. I know that everyone around me may just be lying even as they smile and laugh (with me? at me?). I know that I should never have expectations-- they only create room for disappointment, but I have them anyway, so I know that I set myself up for whatever follows. I know that everyone I know could only be making use of me. But things mean more to those who have less, so as long as they are willing to tolerate me-- for however long it may be-- I'll accept them as they are anyway.

These are the things that I take for granted.

I know it may not mean anything when someone is nice to me. I know that it most likely means nothing. I know they are most likely only humouring me. I know I am insignificant.

But I still hope I matter, and hope is a little evil in that way. Because I know that I set myself up for the disappointment that I know will come.

These are the things that I take for granted.