Got home at about 10.30 pm. I feel SO proud of myself today!!

I finally stayed for night study today, and hey, spending three straight hours studying isn't as daunting as I thought! I've finally realised that I need someone to study with to keep me focussed; and John's the best study partner that anyone could ever have!

He's also a really nice person; if there really is a heaven, and John doesn't get there, no one else deserves to go there. Yep, that's what I think. :D

Anyway, I'm so proud of myself coz I spent 15 hours in school today!! From 7 am to 10 pm! :D

Yes, I know I sound like a nerd, but right now I'm just so pleased with myself that I don't care what you or anyone else thinks!!! Haha...........

Anyway, here's why I spent 15 hours in school:

I got to school at 7 am. Assembly was at 7.40 am. Classes were officially from 8 am to 3.50 pm today. Geog extra class was from 4.30 pm to 6.30 pm. (Geog extra class for the potential A-grade students...haha. yes, I have a big head; so sue me.) Then, night study was from 7 pm to 10 pm.

Ta da!!! 7 am to 10 pm!! 15 hours!!

Yes, studied with John; I got about 40+ questions done and about 20 others sorted out and explained; John's an Econs genius.

Night study isn't so bad after all..... I think I'll stay back on Monday, Thursday and Friday next week. Maybe I'll stay on Tuesday; still thinking about whether I want to stay after double period PE. Don't think I wanna stay on Wednesday, coz that'd be immediately after band....

Ah....tired now. Mind's going in circles. Have Sports Day tomorrow.

No classes. Wheeeeeee...........

Just as well. My brains have probably gone on a long holiday.

Change of plans; I'm not going to stay back for night study after band coz I think I'd be too tired, and then I really would fall asleep in the library. Embarrassing.

However, I have still stolen my sister's Discman and smuggled it into school! Ha.

Haven't found John's bloggy Sorry; blog yet. Think I'll ask him for the address before band starts.

I hope sectionals is damn short today....the weather is bloody hot! Then again, I guess we'll go up to the fourth floor, the classrooms there have nice fans; you know, those kinda oscillating wall fans...they're positioned near the windows, so we just have to open the windows, reach in and turn them on, and there we go......

Instant cooling. :D

Not as good as the air-conditioning in the band room, but well, it's the best that we can do.

And who says that Singaporean students aren't innovative?! Ha.

I'm not Singaporean anyway, haha. Er....but I guess I am still a product of the disgusting pressure cooker education system. :S

Found out two days ago who Wai Lun likes; poor little boy; both girls that he's liked so far both have other people of their own.....

Ah well, you win some, you lose some; I think the same goes for me. Oh well.

If things don't work out in that sense for him and me, or if they don't seem like it'll ever turn down that road, I don't really mind; i'll be quite happy just to be friends with him. :)

Okay. About four periods of school left now. Just looking forward to band.....I love the people in band!

I think it's partially the SYF thing...we spent so much time together that we just kinda bonded, I guess. I think my section's a lot closer now!

Uh...and also a lot more insane....thanks to Yao Guang. Julian doesn't help much either; his mind's about halfway gone; I expect it's a side effect after being in the same sec sch band as Yao Guang for four years. :P

Ha... I should stop badmouthing (that sounds a bit strong...) other people; I'm not too sane myself!! :P

I swear this is the weirdest damn thing!!

He really is appearing all over the place! O_o

I went into the canteen today and he just walked right past, in front of me!

Weird that I'm seeing him all over the place; er, no, I'm not hallucinating. I'm fairly certain that I do NOT hallucinate anyway, thank you very much.

Ha, I just found out that John has a bloggy thingy!

Sorry, I mean he has a blog.

Must stop adding the letter "y" at the end of words. It makes me sound spastic.

I shall find it.....and then....I shall link it. Hahaha.

Now THAT made me sound spastic.

Ah, by the way, I didn't come back for night study last night. I had that horrible Lit assignment to finish, anyway.

Might give it a try on Wednesday after band. I shall abduct my sister's Discman and smuggle it into the library with me; hopefully that will keep me awake. :D

I am such a pathetic pipsqueak.

This is the strangest thing....ever since I started writing (typing) him into this blog, he keeps appearing all over school, as opposed to how I normally don't see him during school hours!

Weird. O.o

Ah, anyway, I walked outta the LT today and and after two seconds, noticed that he was walking in front of me.

I have an Econs DRQ test this week....I think it's Keynes Theory.

Must study for it.....my Econs MCQ is what I'm best at!

Well, duh..it's MCQ.... O_o

I'm sitting here now printing my Geog lecture notes and the printer's just spitting them out at a horrifyingly fast speed. About 1 page per second, I think. Wow. I thought printers only printed that fast in movies! Haha.

Seriously: in X-Men 2 that printer was going really fast!

I think everyone else in the cinema was worrying about how Lady Deathstrike was gonna come back soon and find Mystique in her office, but stupid little me was just so engrossed with how fast the printer was printing!! Aren't I pathetic............

I'm still thinking about whether or not I should come back for night study tonight.....I'm not sure if I can actually sit down for three hours in this damn cold (no that's not it...) freezing (still too mild a term) absolutely freezing (now that's more like it..) library and actually study!!

Worse yet, horror of all horrors, what if I fall asleep while studying?? I can't really study for that long at one go.....

Crap, I hate myself.

Why don't I ever type anything here which makes me feel happy about myself at the end?!?

Sunday.

It's a nice break from the week, but it's boring.

You have to wonder what the hell's happening to this world when people start to detest Sunday.

Anyway, I haven't much write (type) except a few things that I was pondering this morning.

Define the difference between "infatuation" and "love".

I once watched one of those videos that they showed in secondary school before and the speaker said that infatuation is when you're simply obsessed with the other person; I guess that's something like just physical attraction, not really love.

So if I keep thinking of him, does that mean I'm just infatuated??

I wouldn't want to be infatuated; that seems so shallow!

But the attraction here isn't so much physical; he's not what most people would call good-looking, just average. It's more his personality that I'm interested in.

I just...like him for what he is, to put it simply.

So does that count as love or infatuation?

Back again.

I couldn't go ahead and do all the rest of the Math questions coz we hadn't been taught that part of the topic yet. Oh well. Anyway, I did get to slack for the whole lesson, so my effort wasn't wasted!! :D

Had a compre test for double period GP today. It sucked.

My summary was about 10 words too long, and I didn't even get to start on the second issue for the AQ before time was up!

Crap.

Anyway, I saw him today while I was running back to class (I was late), and that's rare, coz I hardly ever see him around school during the week. Different subject combinations and all that crap.....

I'm thinking right now that this is what 10 years in an all-girls school does to you.

For ten years, I never cared about boys all that much....and I made up my mind to only get involved after Uni, after my formal education was over and all that sorta thing, coz a relationship would be a distraction, no?

And last year he showed up and shot all those plans to the deepest regions of hell.

Yeah, so.

Here I am, just far too afraid to open my stupid mouth, idiotic coward that I am. And even if I did, nothing really productive would come out, nothing that you could really start a conversation with. Even if it had conversation potential, it would probably just fizzle out and die prematurely because he probably thinks very differently from me.

I imagine he's a very practical kinda person....a deep thinker, maybe. Me?

Yeah, so I take Literature and intend to do Psychology and Philosophy in Uni, but for all that, I still think that I'm disgustingly immature. And I'm probably right.

So would we really get along?

I don't know.

We were on much better speaking terms last year....but last year, I didn't pay that much attention to him. I was just aware that he drew my attention in some way, that was all. And I screwed it up because I didn't bother to get to know him better.

I screw everything up.

And this year, he doesn't talk to me much anymore. Something happened between last year and this year...I don't know what.
He's changed a lot too; I don't know how to start talking to him anymore.

Life is too screwed up to comprehend right now.

Everything's....sorta dangling....in limbo.

Hell-limbo, to be more accurate, I think.

Then again, my Life always seems to be in a state of stasis....permanent limbo. Hence the title of this blog.

I have a break now, but I'm here typing on the computer because I have food up in class (which I'm going to eat during Maths, haha).

I've finished all the Maths tutorial questions that we were supposed to do! I'm so proud! Haha....so that leaves me with two choices during tutorial period later....

1. Slack and wait for the others to catch up.

2. Go on and do all the rest so that I can slack at the end and THEN wait for the others to catch up.

Option 2 sounds fun. :D It's what I did for the last 4 topics anyway....haha. I bet I sound like a nerd, but I don't care. :D

And I've started on 11.2 for the Econs MCQ TYS; the rest of my class is still halfway through 11.1! Ha.

Must remind self to not get big-headed. Must continue doing......

Must get full marks for the MCQ test in two weeks. And hopefully I'll pass next week's DRQ too. Haha.

I suddenly realised that I've used "haha" many times in this post....I'll shut up now.

Oh, and last night there was the finale of American Idol.

Damn; Clay DIDN'T WIN!!!!!!!!

No offence to Ruben; both the guys are good, but I think that Ruben's voice sounds pretty average. I think that Clay's voice has better sound and tone quality; it carries further and has really good support.

Okay, now that I'm talking like this, I think I've spent too much time in the band room listening to Alvin preach about tone quality and air support........

I have double GP towards the end of the day. I hate double periods.
I hate my pathetic, embarrassing life.

I'm back again.

I have about twenty minutes to kill before the extra class starts, so yeah. Here I am.

Nothing embarassing happened today. Haha.
Then again, maybe it hasn't happened YET. Damn.

I'm thinking about mid-year exams now...and I think that my Econs is probably my saddest subject of all.

I do have quite a lot of hope for Lit, and some for Geog, since now Mr Saw says that I have the aptitude for it (hence the reason why I have extra classes and am dragging very heavy files to school!!), but Econs.....er...

Come to think of it, I think the only reason why I even managed to PASS Econs last year was coz I stayed back in school to study with John and Wei Jian....

Did I mention that John's an Econs genius?
And Soon Aik's classmate Jordan too.....99th percentile for Econs promo last year. Man, he's smart.

Oh yes, John told me that he got second placing in that chess competition yesterday.

I suddenly feel like I have the smallest brains in the world.

I can just feel my self-esteem drowning.

Found out yesterday after band that Dawn and Violet have seen this bloggy thingy..and my site.

Now, I know putting your stuff on the net makes it accessible by everyone and everything, but still the idea that they saw EVERYTHING that I wrote here.... O.o

Geez.....I'm absolutely embarrassed!!!
Hopefully I haven't made it TOO obvious who the 'he' refers to in my last posting...

Ah heck.

And that's not the only embarrassing thing that happened yesterday:

I returned Wei Jian's Econs MCQ questions that I borrowed.....
.....last year. :P

Well, see, I kinda forgot about it...and when I was doing my filing over the weekend, I stumbled upon something which had scribblings all over it, but they didn't look like my writing....then I realised that that was because the NAME at the TOP of the paper wasn't even MINE!!

Yeah, Wei Jian's MCQ paper....how embarrassing... he stared at the paper when I returned it, and he was like: "This is from last year!"

Yes, I know...I'm sorry??

Did I mention that Wei Jian has a very disturbing way of staring at you which makes you feel like maybe you've suddenly grown three heads, or maybe, turned blue?

Ah...it just makes you feel very small..... x.x

And speaking of filing....
I had to lug two huge arch files full of Geog notes to school today for extra class..... I felt so stupid.

My life is one BIG embarrassment!!!

There's band after school today.

I heard a song on the radio last night, and it just set me thinking about how pathetic my life is.
I think it was something about how a guy ruined his relationship (or prospects for a relationship) with a girl because he never said or did the right things at the right time....

I think I'm kinda that way too.

I don't think he knows who he is (thank God; I'd die of embarassment otherwise) and I KNOW he's not reading this. (thank God again)

What the hell am I doing?!? I don't even believe in God anymore!!!

Oh heck, never mind. I'll write it off as a figure of speech.

I never know when to do the right thing at the right time. He was talking to me at that time, but someone came along and interrupted....and then I never know how to start talking to him, and I never know what to say, and he never says anything to me.

Damn, I'm a sad case.

I got my Econs DRQ test back today....and I passed!! YAY!!!

Well, it's not an essay, but still, it's ECONS! And I PASSED!!
Wahoo.
I see great prospects in the future. :P

And I had that disgusting Lit test first thing this morning.....it was supposed to be an open-book essay test from chapters 24-27, but guess what the question asked for?

A critical analysis on the the last three pages of chapter 24.

And to think that I actually tried so hard to finish reading those four chapters!!!
Typical; the one time I actually attempt to study for that stupid text, I studied too much!!!!

Damn.

My life is pathetic.

On the bright side though....I'm well ahead of my class in the Econs MCQ unit that we're going through! I'm so pleased with myself. :D :P

Oh...but there's a GP test next week....on SATURDAY.
They should ban Saturday tests, I think.

There was a Chinese test last Sat (which I just passed, haha; which is more than what most people in my class can say for themselves, sadly), there's another Chinese test this Sat, and that GP test this Sat.....crap. I hate Saturday tests!!!

I just realised that it's a bad reflection on me that I'm in a Chinese class where most of the people fail.

Oh well. I hate Chinese anyway; it's EVIL.

Why aren't we allowed to learn Spanish instead??

Oh, because Cambridge doesn't offer Spanish..... Well, screw them.

Life is screwed too. Damn. I'm pathetic!!!!!

It's my break now! Free period! Yay!
I should be studying for my econs test, but Pamela gave me the questions during the lecture period, and they don't seem that difficult....

However, knowing me, I'll probably fail it again. :P

Sigh.
I'm still waiting for the day when I'll finally pass my first Econs essay. :P

I must be really pathetic; everytime Mr Chia gives my class an essay or DRQ test, he always tells us to hand it in at the end of the day, which means that everytime, we're sorta free to refer to our notes.... but I still fail everytime!!!

Stupid pathetic girl.

Note to self: must find out what the hell is lacking in my essays.

I have a prose comparison thingy for homework for Literature today...actually, it was supposed to be due today (as it was given as homework last Tues) but half my class didn't do it (Haha) so we have to pass it up by tomorrow morning!

And it's not looking very good....I hate both passages! They're both boring!

Although the last time we did a prose comparison, I got the highest marks that I'd EVER got before for Lit in all my life! I had 32/50!!

64%!! 6% short of an A grade.....

Wahoo.

I feel like watching X-Men 2 again. Pyro's just really cool. :D

I've just realised that I have a very disjointed train of thought. Does that mean that I make no sense? O.o

I.
Am
Bored.

School's over....was supposed to study with John today, but he's not replying to my messages, so I don't know where he is!
So, I'm just sitting here in the library, freezing my fingers off while typing on the computer.

I've just sat here for about an hour, changing the template for this blog about 4 times until I finally decided on this one.
Man, I need a life.

Question: What the hell is Life??

.........................

Question: Why do I have too many questions......?

I have an Econs essay test tomorrow on Keynes Theory of Income Determination.....I hate essay tests. I never have anything to write other than just the bare essentials of the topic.

I should be studying....and I have a Literature test on the book that I hate most on Wednesday!

My life is such crap.

Geog test this morning wasn't so bad, I guess. I think it was just mostly luck that the section that I studied came out on the test. Haha.

I'm bored.

Testing.................

I am pleased to say that my life has gained some semblance of direction.
Well, I think so.
Although it's just studying for Mid-yr after June hols...maybe after that I'll think about working towards A levels.

My life is pointless.
Crap.

Question: Why does everybody think that we put on this earth to achieve a certain number of things?

Maybe because it gives them direction in Life?
It gives them reason for existing?

Coz if that IS the case, and we're given a few things to fulfil before we die, then right now, I think that I'm so damn far behind that I'll probably NEVER die. Haha..........

I have approx. 6 mths to A levels, and presently have no social life......

Someone was right when he/she said that Life was al suffering.

Uh...hang on. Was that someone Buddha?

O.o

My first post....!

A-ha. I finally have a bloggy thingy. :P

Ah, well....I don't have much to say now, because life's become DAMN BORING after SYF......
(And we got Silver, even after all that efffort...bloody hell. I hate all the bloody gold bands.)
It's like for three weeks, all everyone cared about was band, band, band and well, BAND, and after SYF, there's suddenly no more meaning in life!!

Question: when you find that there's no more meaning in life, does that mean that you have the potential to be suicidal or ARE suicidal???

Man.
"Absence makes the heart fonder."
I say it depends on the situation that you're in.
I really wanted to get SYF over and done with, but now that it's over, I miss seeing all the band people everyday... We got a one week break after SYF, but then I realised that I missed band halfway through that break!
We had band on Wednesday....but some people didn't show up. Was kinda sad..
Ah well. There's band tomorrow. :D
I miss band.
I think I am being repetitive.
I think I am being repetitive.

Okay, that wasn't funny. I'll stop now and cease this torment of your brain cells; no doubt you have better things to do than listen to me blather about my pointless, directionless life.