Sick. Out of nowhere.

Had bloody killer headache last night, the kind which just pulses away at the sides of your head and from time to time, flares up and feels like something's hammering away from the inside, wanting to get out.

Fever, and cold cold cold.

I woke up feeling sore in the knees, my eyes feel puffy, my throat is sore and water just keeps making it hurt more. I'm wearing a jacket and the fan isn't even on and I'm still cold, the bed is cold, the floor is cold so I can't even bear to step on it because it makes my feet ache.

And then I checked my phone and now I'm just kind of numb.

It's difficult to understand people. I don't understand why when I ask, nobody says anything and later it comes in some form of deliberated digital medium, where anything that I can say will get lost in transmission.

I should ask for less, want for less, expect less, and... I don't know. Just when I'm starting to be more sure of things, I'm reminded of everything that I cannot do, that I don't know how to do, and I don't know how to learn.

I can't ever seem to do anything right.

I'm tired.

I've never wanted as badly as I do now to be someone else.