Something tells me that today's entry's gonna be a long one. On Thursday night, I started thinking about friends after Kevin messaged me good luck for my Geog, and I've decided that it'll make a nice rant for my blog.

Friends are strange things.... I mean that in the nicest possible way, really.

I think I'm kind of a pathetic person, really; for one thing, I believe that I have pretty low EQ. I can be extremely insensitive at times and most of those times, I don't particularly care.

So on occasions when I suddenly realise how many friends I've got, it surprises me, seriously.

Like on my birthday when Jo and Beatrice messaged me after I hadn't heard from them in one and a half years, man, that was shocking. Shocking and really nice to know that they'd gone through Pam to get my number just so that they could message me "happy birthday" and everything.

And then when I walked around school there were other band people like Dawn and Kevin with more "happy birthdays" and Pam and John messaged me first thing that morning to say "happy birthday" too.

It was kinda overwhelming.

And up till last year, I don't think anyone had ever told me that they missed me before.

I think at that time it was after band on a Saturday, Khai Yee happened to message me and she said something along the lines of "Hi, how's life, etc, etc, I've missed you."

The last three words kinda confused me right then and there, I tell ya. The first thing that came to mind was "Why would anyone miss me?"

By the way, I'm still not too sure why.

And one of the things that scares me the most in this world is the thought of losing friends. Well, not really friends in general, but just the ones that really matter, like Pam and Sylvia and John, most importantly, after which follows almost the whole 2003 J2 population of the band.

Sometimes I get terrified, for no stupid reason at all, that just coz I haven't talked to Pam or Sylvia or John for ages, they're gonna abandon me and ignore me the next time they see me, or maybe they'll have found someone else better than me or maybe they'll think that I can't be bothered with them anymore or something like that.

And then out of nowhere, sometimes I get little messages that they're still there and seriously, I think most of the time, that's the only thing that keeps me semi-sane.

Pam seldom messages me, unless it's really important, but I don't really think it's her messages that matter. For a period of time last year, I was kinda worried that she'd forget about me and all that, but now I think I've got over that.
Somehow I no longer believe that how often or how seldom she messages matters anymore; I just know that she does care, and trust me, that means almost literally the whole world to me.

Sylvia forwards all sorts of silly messages to me and it's really nice to know that she remembers me! I'd probably get worried if she stopped messaging! I feel kinda guilty for not messaging her as often, but when I do I try to send her those really nice ones.... haha.

Pam and Sylvia are probably two of the best people in the world to talk to; between the three of us, we could talk about absolutely anything, I tell ya. :D

Hm... about John, it actually surprises me that I could make such a good friend in slightly more than a year. He's the second person in the list of five boys whom I'll try very hard to go and see off when they leave for NS; he probably knows who three of the other four will be (and for that matter, Pam probably knows too. :P). He won't know who the last person is, but that's simply coz he doesn't know the guy.

John is seriously one of the most thoughtful people that I've ever met in this life, and just about the only guy that I've talked to about well, "guy" problems. Haha. It's usually the sorta thing that girls would talk about amongst girls, but I think John's a great listener. John's probably one of those people who were put on Earth so that everyone else could have someone who'd listen.

And then there are other people like Dawn and Kevin and Soon Aik, whom I don't talk to all that much, but they pop up every now and then, most of the time sending messages that are a really nice pick-up for the day. Those usually come out of the blue since I don't usually expect messages from them, like Kevin's good luck message. (Kevin, if you're reading this, thanx again! :D)

I've always sucked at writing conclusions for my essays. And even when I'm just ranting, I can't think of a proper conclusion. Damn, I'm pathetic. :P