Must've been a long time ago that I recieved one of those forwarded emails-- you know, the kind which you're compelled to send to about half the world if you want good luck-- and I remember one of those as saying that friends are like balloons, lifting you up when things are down.

It's been a long time.

Time enough to think on that analogy.

If, like balloons, you hold them too tight, the strings cut your fingers, and I suppose both sides get hurt. And if, like balloons, the closer you are to them, the more a break in your friendship hurts; but I wonder then.. if the balloons burst, then how do people ever get friends back?

And then there are the people who seem to be somewhere between going and staying.

Somehow Life drifts the two of you closer together, but Life is never about just two people, is it? There's everyone else to consider, and sometimes everyone else makes things difficult to see, difficult to understand.

Between going and staying, between drifting away and coming closer, strings sliding back and forth between your fingers, cutting deeper everytime.

And at some point in time that my own subconscious hitherto has known better than me, it starts to hurt more than you thought it could.

No more pulling. No more hurting and trying so hard to understand. It's a lot easier to just cut the strings and let them drift away.

Twice it's been done. Twice it seemed like it'd hurt forever after it was done. Twice that I've been selfish enough to drive away what I could no longer understand-- but I wonder sometimes if I was being completely selfish if they were the ones who seemed like they could no longer bear to carry on.

Third time's a charm. The only thing I regret is that this time, someone else got caught in the crossfire.

And maybe it hurts even worse to let them go. But there's the long-term to think of, isn't there? So grin and bear it and tell yourself that it's better this way.

Because I got tired of trying. Because I got tired of not being able to understand. Because I've learnt that I couldn't handle it any other way.

So I guess this is goodbye all over again.

And I wonder how many more times I can take doing this, and if I'll ever need to anymore.